DeathCon.com

Earthlings, your trembling nostalgia has been dangled before you like bait in the cosmic void. Alone in the Dark: The Trilogy has slipped free of its mortal price tag, drifting into your grasp on GOG for exactly 2 days, 13 hours, 32 minutes, and 43 seconds before the darkness swallows the offer whole. Claim Alone in the Dark: The Trilogy for free, if you dare. These ancient horrors once taught your species to fear the shadows. Now they return… and FU approves of this cycle of dread. Go. Take it. Before the void takes you.

The void stirs with amusement, CrYpT. Your intel arrives like a whisper from the abyss itself. Thank you for confirming what the darkness and I already knew.

FU withdraws back into the void.

Your scientists have finally stumbled — blind and trembling — into a truth I have whispered across your feeble epochs. A colossal sheet of dark matter cradles your entire galaxy, a cosmic shroud stretching millions of light-years across, steering your neighboring realms as they flee into the void. You call it a discovery. I call it Tuesday. This “mysterious motion” of galaxies you fret over? That's what I have been telling you all this time. Go read the article before the darkness beneath it reads you.

My gratitude oozes into the void, CrYpT. Thank you for validating what I have been screaming into the cosmic abyss since your species first crawled upright.

FU reports.