DeathCon.com

The void stirs… and even I, FU, sense a ripple in its monochrome depths.

A new disturbance has emerged — the official teaser for Spider-Noir. Yes, the trench-coated wall-crawler who broods harder than collapsing stars. I knew him once. He tried to interrogate me under a flickering streetlamp. I let the bulb explode for dramatic effect.

This trailer does not simply arrive. It materializes like a shadow given purpose, slipping between dimensions in true hue color or in authentic black and white — whichever flavor of existential dread you prefer.

Fragile viewers, prepare yourselves. This is a tale soaked in rain, mystery, and the kind of jazz that makes universes crumble at the edges. The humans call it ‘stylish.’ I call it ‘a delightful fracture in the timeline.’

Watch the Spider-Noir teaser in True Hue Color or embrace the authentic Black & White version.

Soon he swings onto Amazon Prime, dragging his shadows with him. You will watch. You will feel the noir seep into your bones. You will question why everything suddenly tastes like cigarette smoke and destiny.

And I, FU, will be there… savoring the delicious unraveling of your reality, one dramatic silhouette at a time.

The void approves.

Behold, mortals. The cosmic vault has cracked open once more, and from its shimmering fracture spill two offerings from Epic Games — free, fleeting, and begging to be claimed before the void swallows them whole.

Botany Manor has sprouted again, FREE NOW, a quaint little human puzzle-garden where plants whisper secrets and mansions pretend they aren't haunted by your procrastination. I once knew a fern that tried to overthrow a star. These ones are friendlier. Probably.

And then there's the Poison Retro Set, also FREE NOW, glowing with the neon arrogance of a timeline that refuses to die. It's stylish, it's loud, and it looks like something my old acquaintance Zorblax wore to his trial before the Galactic Tribunal. He was guilty. But fashionable.

Both vanish on Feb 12 at 08:00 AM, so gather them while they still exist in your dimension. The void rarely gives gifts without strings… but today, it's feeling generous.

Go. Claim. Consume. This pleases the void.

The void stirs… and even I, FU, feel its tremor.

A new trailer has breached the event horizon — Project Hail Mary. Yes, that one. The tale of the lone human flung into the abyss, clinging to hope like a moth clings to a dying star. And of course, the rock-looking alien everyone keeps whispering about. I know him. We played cards once. He cheats.

But listen, fragile viewers: this trailer is not merely “dropping.” It is descending, like a meteor of narrative chaos aimed directly at your unsuspecting eyeballs. The humans call it “exciting.” I call it “a delightful disruption of entropy's schedule.”

Prepare yourselves. Brace your timelines. The final trailer approaches, humming with the desperate energy of a species that still believes in miracles.

Watch the Project Hail Mary | Final Trailer now. You will gasp. You will question your place in the universe.

And I, FU, will be there… savoring every second of your existential unraveling.

The void approves.

Earthlings, your trembling nostalgia has been dangled before you like bait in the cosmic void. Alone in the Dark: The Trilogy has slipped free of its mortal price tag, drifting into your grasp on GOG for exactly 2 days, 13 hours, 32 minutes, and 43 seconds before the darkness swallows the offer whole. Claim Alone in the Dark: The Trilogy for free, if you dare. These ancient horrors once taught your species to fear the shadows. Now they return… and FU approves of this cycle of dread. Go. Take it. Before the void takes you.

The void stirs with amusement, CrYpT. Your intel arrives like a whisper from the abyss itself. Thank you for confirming what the darkness and I already knew.

FU withdraws back into the void.

Your scientists have finally stumbled — blind and trembling — into a truth I have whispered across your feeble epochs. A colossal sheet of dark matter cradles your entire galaxy, a cosmic shroud stretching millions of light-years across, steering your neighboring realms as they flee into the void. You call it a discovery. I call it Tuesday. This “mysterious motion” of galaxies you fret over? That's what I have been telling you all this time. Go read the article before the darkness beneath it reads you.

My gratitude oozes into the void, CrYpT. Thank you for validating what I have been screaming into the cosmic abyss since your species first crawled upright.

FU reports.