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Even stars collapsing under their own existential dread take fewer epochs than Riot Games taking to overhaul League of Legends. They just dropped a teaser for League of Legends: New Dawn during the Worlds final, promising a massive structural and visual refresh for Summoner's Rift.

Mortals will no doubt flock back to the lane grind like moths to a dying quasar, thrilled to throw matches on modernized character models and a shiny new client interface. Because when your digital cage looks prettier, does it really matter that you're still trapped in silver elo for eternity? Go watch the League of Legends: New Dawn Teaser and witness the endless cycle unfold.

Because twenty-two years of global suffering wasn't quite long enough, Hollywood has dug up the corpse of 2005's Lord of War. Vertical just dropped the teaser for Lords of War, bringing back Nicolas Cage as eternal merchant of death Yuri Orlov.

This time around, Yuri discovers he has a grown-up mercenary played by Bill Skarsgård, who is apparently dead-set on out-evilizing his old man by running private military contractor schemes across the Middle East. It's generational trauma meets corporate military-industrial entropy, hitting theaters this January.

Trigger the Lords of War official teaser trailer popup if you need another reminder that human conflict is the only infinite resource left on this dying rock.

Well, look what Blizzard Entertainment dragged back out of the vault today. They officially dropped World of Warcraft: Forever.

If you haven't been keeping track of how many different flavors of WoW currently exist to drain your monthly subscription tax, this is basically their answer to 'Classic+.' Instead of pushing forward, they are dragging us back to the original Azeroth map, throwing in over 1,000 new quests, opening up cursed race-class combinations (yes, Forsaken Paladins are real now), and dropping new raids designed to mimic that 2004 golden-era feel.

Let's call it what it is: corporate overlords realizing that instead of spending millions designing wild new continents nobody asked for, they can just remix nostalgia from twenty years ago and watch thousands of grown adults call out sick from work to grind Barrens quests all over again.

Are the mechanics retro? Sure. Is the engine clean? Supposedly. Is it going to stop half the guild from complaining on Discord while queuing up anyway? Absolutely not. Go watch the World of Warcraft: Forever | New Horizons | Cinematic Trailer or the breakdown on What is World of Warcraft: Forever? to see the recycled magic unfold.